Don't you ever want to just...?
hangin’
Concept: financially struggling biology student discovers that the reason her monthly data bill is so high is because an ant colony in her basement has been stealing her wi-fi.
“I’m not angry,” she says from the top of the basement stairs. “Just disappointed.”
Below, a million hard exoskeletons glitter in the light streaming through the open door. The floor is completely covered in them, the hard-packed dirt rounded and molded into their home.
With a sigh, she starts down the stairs. “Don’t you swarm at me. I give you food, I give you shelter and this, this is the repayment I get! Where’s the Queen?”
There’s the sound of insects rushing past each other and a black mound begins to form. It grows higher and higher, moving slowly towards the bottom step, until it’s at her waist. Slowly, the top layer of workers peels back to reveal the Queen in all her glory.
The Queen is easily the length of her hand, glittering and gorgeous in the faint light. She had been the one to make the Queen last semester as part of her final project. Her professor had given her an A on the condition that she destroy the Queen and her genetically enhanced children, but, instead, she’d taken them home.
“Look at this,” she says, thrusting her bill in front of the Queen’s tiny head. “I can’t afford this! I don’t–where did you all even get computers?”
The ants surge guiltily, producing a mac that looks very, very familiar.
“You stole my ex’s laptop.” It’s not a question. “That’s–alright, that’s pretty funny. I’m not going to take it away, relax, but you all need to figure out how to pay for this, okay? I can’t feed you and entertain you on my stipend, okay?”
The Queen regally nods. There’s a shift in the air as she communicates with the others and another mound of ants forms and pushes forward. This one opens to reveal a plastic bag filled with dirt-covered jewelry and a handful of…ancient coins?
She takes the bag, staring blankly at it. “Okay…I’m not going to ask. I don’t want to know. I’ll invest in better internet and pretend that you guys aren’t about two seconds from opening a chop shop or crime ring or whatever in my basement.”
The ants wave agreeably.
She turns to go and pauses halfway up. “I have to ask. What do you guys even need internet for?”
The mac flickers on to show Jessica Jones paused halfway through episode six.
“Fair enough,” she says and goes to google local pawn shops that don’t ask too many questions
The Nyanpan plush Kickstarter is live and all stretch goals and flavors were unlocked in record time!
Grab your carbcats before it's over and get goodies like free stickers and prints 💖
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/celesse/nyanpan-plush-the-melon-bread-cat
A new flavor has been announced! Purple taro is now available to choose.
Don't forget backers also get exclusive goodies. Every pledge that includes at least one plush will also get a free print and sticker!
This ends TODAY at 3pm EDT!!! Less than 3 hours left to get in on the project!
what y’all thinking about fellas
So garlic is a natural anticoagulant, but then why would vampires be allergic to it?
Hear me out:
What if vampires made up all the stuff about them being allergic to garlic so that their victims would eat it, thinking it would ward off vamps, but instead it makes their blood easier to drink!
Because it doesn’t clot!
This has really been getting to me recently. Have I uncovered their master conspiracy or am I going insane?
you know too much
As much as I mildly despair about the functionality of Tumblr, I’m forever grateful we don’t have the creative interface of other social media platforms.
I keep seeing youtubers talking about how the new algorithm on their creative dash is so detrimental to their mental health, both in terms of how they feel about themselves as creators and the content they make—dreading to find out their performance rating, regardless of whether they enjoyed it or not. And it’s the same across multiple other platforms, TickTock, Facebook, Instagram. Fuck, I’ve even seen people with business accounts complaining on Twitter.
And then there’s Tumblr. Where sometimes you can’t find your own posts even though you know you tagged it, time stamps are hidden in the ellipses at the top right hand corner of the post, your bread recipe keeps getting flagged as porn, too much punctuation causes asks not to send, and checking your activity feed causes the app to crash. You want to know your trending numbers? You want to know what’s performing well? Fuck you, guess.
